I think we all agree that getting over someone, whether you were the one leaving or you were the one left, is one of the most gut-wrenching things we ever go through.
Like most people, my heart has had her fair share of feeling like she’ll burst into a trillion pieces. And she still has gravity-defying moments years later when a song, scent or the way the light falls a certain way on an autumn afternoon will take me back to “that time”. Crazy the things that imprint on us.
While no one is ever the same after their heart has broken, there are ways to restore, soothe, and glue the pieces back together so the cracks become a place where our light shines more openly and brightly. Ways we can stop seeing ourselves as broken in that ugly sense of the word.
The Japanese have a tradition of mending broken objects – they beautify the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more attractive and precious.
I love that.
With this in mind I want to share with you 5 ways I believe you can heal a broken heart more quickly than leaving it up to time.
1) Realize that the only relationship you need to focus on is the one between You and Yourself
When I (finally!) understood that it’s not my job, nor is it possible to change anyone else, I literally felt the hair shirt I’d been forcing myself to wear (for years!) untie itself.
What IS our job is to make ourselves the happiest person we know. No one else can do this for us, nor should they be tasked with this.
As much as you might want to believe with every fibre of your being that it’s someone else’s presence in your life that makes you feel like a Katy Perry song... It’s not.
It’s YOU allowing yourself to experience that much happiness.
And although you might not be able to see it through panda eyes and empty bottles of red, you can learn how to create that happiness for yourself too.
2) Start from where you are, but ask someone you trust to tell you when to clear out the Ben & Jerry’s from your freezer
Trying to mask the way you feel with a happy face, when your “everything” has just walked out the door, clearly doesn't work. But neither does rehashing what should have, could have, or would have been different if only you or they had…
3) Begin by reaching for a better feeling thought
Whenever you catch yourself slipping into a downward spiral ask yourself “What’s one slightly better feeling thought than the one I’m having right now?”
OK, so let’s be real. Some days the only improvement you’ll be able to pull together will be not wanting to poke someone else’s eyes out with a rusty spoon. But as this begins to pass, jump on that better feeling train and run with it.
Remember that you can start a new thought train running in any moment you choose.
4) Change it up
Start creating new habits and patterns for yourself by changing things up. If you’ve ever thought about burning sage-sticks or feng-shui’ing your place, now’s the time to do it.
That and treating your body like the Goddess she is by upping your greens intake, getting out into nature, trying Kundalini yoga and blissing out on essential oils.
Each of these things will get you out of your head, into your body and release stale energy.
Allow yourself to get down on paper what attracted you to the other person in the first place and then get brutally honest about what didn't feel good and what didn’t work by imagining you’re an impartial outsider looking in. What would their thoughts be? Get those down.
This will help you to get uber clear on what you'll being looking for when you're ready for your next relationship.
Now focus on becoming the best version of YOU.
Begin investing in your own growth and become that person you'd like to attract into your life, because like attracts like.
"You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you."
~ Joseph Campbell
This article originally appeared on ZLiving.com